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It’s an archaic concept.
It’s unrealistic.
Nobody does that anymore.
Kids are going to do it anyway!
Those are just a few of the excuses given by those who oppose abstinence education. A new study gives us reason to believe otherwise. The study looked at four groups of teens and pre-teens. One group was placed into an eight-hour abstinence only class; the next took an eight-hour “safe sex” course; group three had a full day of a comprehensive program that included both abstinence and safe sex teaching; and the last group had a full day of a health class that did not bring up sex or sexual issues at all:
“Results showed that while 48.5 percent of students in the health-promotion group had sex for the first time during the study period, only 33.5 percent of those in the abstinence-only group did so.”
The result, while encouraging, is not changing many minds. People on all sides of the debate say they are glad for any method that postpones teenagers having sex, as it means they will postpone getting pregnant and contracting sexually transmitted diseases. But it’s a shame that we don’t give kids more credit.
We tell teenagers to “Just Say ‘No!’” to drugs, alcohol, and gun use. We know that there will come a time that they can, as adults, consume alcohol responsibly. We don’t say, “They’re going to drink it anyway, so we have to be realistic and tell them what to drink or how to drink it safely.” We just say, “No!” We don’t say kids are going to play with guns anyway, so let’s teach them how to use a gun safely. We just say, “No!” As a matter of fact, even students who talk about or wear guns on their clothes have gotten in trouble in public schools. With all this, why can’t we tell kids to say, “No!” to sex until the appropriate time?
The notion is not unrealistic. Many teenagers and adults practice abstinence even in 2010! I led a very full, happy, social, and successful life as a single woman who practiced abstinence until I got married in my late 30’s just a year and a half ago. I know a lot of people, especially women, who have regrets about having slept with someone who was not worth their time or emotions. But I don’t know anyone who regretted not having sex until marriage. It’s beautiful, and I believe it’s what we ought to hold up as a model to teenagers. Sex is deadly and heart-wrenching at the wrong time with the wrong person. But people do that every day.
It doesn’t take very much to give in to sex. It does take self-control, character, right goals and priorities, and a lot of work to wait. But since we’re asking them to wait to drink alcohol and use guns, maybe we can set just as high of a bar for the most intimate act in which a man and woman can engage.
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(Original photo by Pedro Simoes, used under Creative Commons license.)
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February 8th, 2010 at 11:50 am
Right on! I too practiced abstinence until marriage and I’m very happy that I did. It’s true that everyone I know who also practiced abstinence are happy with their choice to wait, whereas those that did not wait have regrets.
February 8th, 2010 at 10:25 pm
This is incredibly short sighted. This one incredibly small and contained study does not hold a candle to the hundreds that have indicated otherwise. How many of that 33% used condoms or other forms of birth control? That seems to be curiously missing. I’d rather have a well informed 45% over a totally uninformed 33%, a number which will only grow as they get older.
And there are plenty of people who regret waiting until marriage, just as there are plenty of people who regret certain sexual partners. Your experience is not the only one.
February 9th, 2010 at 8:25 am
Getaway, actually the information about condom use is not missing. I just did not write about it. There was NO DIFFERENCE between the groups when it came to condom use once they did engage in intercourse. I also would beg to differ about the “hundreds that have indicated otherwise.” The latest study by the anti-abstinence Guttmacher Institute shows that “comprehensive” sex ed classes have not prevented or delayed teen sexual activity. And, about protection…teen pregnancy rates are up again.
Students have been given comprehensive sex ed for a long time. We need to have a little more faith in them and give them better tools.
By the way, I would love to find out more from the “plenty of people who regret waiting until marriage.” Whatever information you can send this way would be appreciated.
February 10th, 2010 at 12:21 pm
I would rather teens be informed about sex and SAFE sex than have it swept under the rug and told to “wait.” If they choose NOT to wait until marriage, I would much rather they know the consequences and how to protect themselves! I, personally, did not wait until marriage and I do NOT regret my decision at all. I have had one partner and we are still going strong five years later. If I had not been informed all throughout high school about sex and its emotional and physical consequences, I doubt I would have waited as long as I did.