My heart broke as details to the story emerged. Eric Lupoe, husband and father, shot his entire family before killing himself.  According to the suicide letter, his wife Ana was in full agreement to the entire thing.

After being faced with job loss, the idea of death seemed better than struggling to survive as a family. They didn’t want to take their own lives and leave their children in the care of others, so it was decided that all of them would die instead — the 2-year-old twins, the 5-year-old twins, the 8-year-old daughter, 38-year-old Ana, and 40-year-old Eric.

Not even a week later, an Ohio family of four died in a similar scenario, though details as to the reasons surrounding that murder-suicide have not been given.

Details or not, two family units dead at the hands of the husbands and fathers within a week’s time, leaves us all sobered.

What drives husbands and fathers, wives and mothers, to decide that death for them and their children is the best option they have going?  Where did hope go in America?  These are troubled times, and for some they result in outright fear and panic.

I can’t help but wonder how many others, even those reading this, may be entertaining dark thoughts as well; not because they are dark people, but because they are in a dark time and there seems to be no hope at all.

To those people I want to cry out, “Don’t die! Please don’t kill your babies and please don’t kill yourself! I know it’s dark and I know it’s scary but please live. Please allow your children to live as well. Choose life, not death!  There are other options than the final one that you are considering.”

It’s the straw that broke the camel’s back

As sudden as these tragic stories may seem, something built up to this point. A family does not live in total happiness and security one day and die the next in a murder-suicide. Somewhere along the way, pressure began to build. Perhaps it was marital strife, maybe it was unwise financial decisions that seemed to snowball, or depression that might have started off as mild became unbearable as one, or both spouses, attempted to keep going without getting help.

There were probably additional signs along the way, as well, that pressure was mounting: Frequent tears, sudden irritability, and/or panic attacks. Thoughts of death went from flitting through the mind to taking up a permanent residence. Thoughts of “I can’t do this anymore” began to consume more than “I have a lot to live for.”

All of these could be warning signs to any of us. Signs that we usually pass off as, “I’m just stressed out,” or, “It’ll be fine. It’s just a bad day.”  Bad days and occasional stress are one thing, but when thought patterns and emotional outbursts begin happening regularly, it’s time to get some help. It’s better to get help now than it is to have that final straw that results in actions that can’t be taken back.

Talk to someone — anyone!

When things such as were mentioned above begin happening regularly, the best thing to do is get some professional help. Unfortunately, the triggers to the depression, anxiety, or anger, are oftentimes financially related. This makes getting professional help next to impossible for many. There are options, however.

Many health insurances will now cover a certain amount of sessions with a counselor or therapist. It’s a matter of calling your insurance company to find out how to go about getting this to happen. If you don’t have the mental energy to do this, please give someone close to you the authority to be a liaison for you and help you get this sorted out.

If you are an employee, check into any work benefits you may have that might help you get professional help as well.  Many work places have EAP’s in place, otherwise known as Employee Assistance Programs. These help employees get confidential counseling and/or therapy services.

If you don’t have health insurance or are not an employee, check out your local county health department and see what might be available to you for free or at reduced rates. I know this can seem like humiliation added onto a life that is already hopeless, but for your children’s sake especially, please check out this resource!

United Way

Not sure where to begin looking for professional help? Try calling 211. This has been set up by the United Way and helps connect you with what is available in your particular community that can help you immediately.

Connect with your local church or temple

Churches and other religious houses of worship also offer outlets for those that are hurting. Pastors, priests, and rabbis often have time set apart primarily for the purpose of meeting with hurting people who need to talk.

These same places also often have free support groups and others offer programs like meals and food pantry programs. I have found that the people running these groups and programs are usually people who have been to the place where they had to use the group or program themselves at one point.  Because of that, there is no judgment when you walk in, only listening ears, warm hugs, and bright smiles.

Call a friend

Don’t underestimate the power of talking to a friend. They may not be a professional and they may not be able to pay your bills, but sometimes just talking things out can take the weight of the world off your shoulders. Whatever you do, don’t isolate during this difficult time! Isolation only breeds the dark, morbid thoughts that are trying to take over your mind.

Apply for assistance

My friend, I have been to this place and it is a humiliating place to be. I can remember sitting in social services, waiting for my number to be called and thinking, “How did I get to this place that I’m sitting here asking for food stamps and Medicaid? I have an MA degree! This is so humiliating!” I cried through most of the interview.

This is what I kept in my mind the entire time, however, and this is what I would encourage you to keep in mind — you have worked and your money has gone into this system. You will not always be in this place. As soon as you can, you are going to get another job and get off public assistance. In the meantime, this is exactly what it’s there for — for people who fall on hard times and need a helping hand until they can get back up.

Get help now!

If you are reading this article and you are seriously contemplating suicide and/or even taking your family’s life, please call the following number:

1-800-273-TALK (8255)  (National Suicide Prevention Lifeline)