In response to the 10 Lamest Gifts You Can Buy for a Woman, guest blogger Joseph Hurtado has decided to enlighten us ladies about the other side of that coin! Here are his top 10 lamest gifts to get a guy:

1. Ties

There are only two types of men: those who hate ties, and those who grudgingly accept them as part of the job. They choke us, and make us feel like a cog in the machine.

Even beautiful Italian silk ties or super original funny ones whisper: “Work is not fun.” And really do you want to remind us of that? Please don’t.

2. Socks

Socks are lame, forgettable, and men just don’t care about them. Enough said. Next!

3. Cheap liquor

99% of guys know good liquor, and most guys recognize cheap junk. If you truly would like to give us a good Christmas present, don’t be cheap, and get the best you can afford — we’ll thank you for it!

4. The latest video game or DVD

Actually, this is not such a bad idea, it’s more of a warning. First make sure that he did not buy it already. And second, just make sure that’s the game he wanted. By the way, the same thinking applies to DVDs, too!

5. Self-help anything

Men try to think of themselves as mature, in control, taking care of business people. Of course it doesn’t mean we are that way, but we like to think of ourselves that way. So we are generally very discrete when we pick self-help books, and generally don’t like other people doing it for us, no matter how well intentioned they are.

Also, self-help books feel like a back handed compliment; it’s almost like saying, “You are so nice for a fat guy.” So it’s just best to avoid them.

6. Female-oriented Spa certificates

Most men these days do like Jacuzzis and massage, no question about it. But if a girl gos and buys from the same Spa she likes — or even worse, her Yoga Spa — what men end up with is with throw away gift, and an expensive one to boot. Besides, most men hate Yoga anyway, with the exception of Sting, who happens to have found new and surprisingly good benefits to it.

7. Gift cards

So you don’t know what to get, or you don’t have the time, or you don’t care, so you get a gift card! Right? Wrong! Gift cards say a lot about you, and for the most part they don’t say much good about you. Try to get something instead, make an effort — we notice!

The exception here is guys who live far away where shipping is prohibitive, then perhaps an Amazon card or another big store could be a good possibility, as long as you choose from a store he truly likes, and the amount is reasonably good; then, in this case, you did fine.

8. Exercise gear

This is gray area, go for it if you truly know he likes it a lot, and he works out all the time. Otherwise, again, it could be seen as those gifts with a bite, it is a gift but also a big in-your-face criticism.

Some men, however, will really like a quality piece of gear to get pumped up.

9. Tickets to ballet or opera

I don’t know exactly why, but 95% of men hate them. It’s a pretty good bet that this is more a gift to you than to him, so why do it? Theatre can be an exception, some plays are so good and funny everyone will love ’em anyway.

However, if you are with a guy who loves it, go for it!

10. Anything diet

And I am talking here books on diets, diet menus, diet food, diet DVDs, diet whatever!

Holidays, especially Christmas, are everything but a time to diet; now is not the time to remind us we are fat! It’s also not the time to bring that vegetarian, non-dairy cake! Please! Mercy! Embrace the holiday spirit and let us gobble, gobble in peace.

P.S. Any gift, even a bad one, becomes at least OK if you deliver them with love, take your time to get your best, and do it with a smile. Yes, even these 10 sucky ones.