Names are like opinions — everyone’s got one. It’s what people call you. It’s how you introduce yourself. It’s what identifies you as you. There are commonly used names like Sally, Debbie, John, and Bill. There are unisex names like Pate, Shannon, Jamie, and Drew. Then there are unusual names like Jarrah, Crisiant, Baye, or mine, Tzan.

One challenge about having either a unisex or unusual name is that gender is not always obvious, or what you may initially think. Unless you have met the person face to face, have a mutual acquaintance or friend, or have seen a picture of the person, it can be quite difficult to know one way or the other.

To be perfectly honest, though, the only time gender is really going to matter is when sending written correspondence. So what do you do when faced with communicating with someone you’ve never met before whose name could go either way?

The most common manner in which this situation is handled in the business world is by defaulting the name to masculine. I don’t know about anyone else, but as a woman it can be a bit off-putting to see a Mr. in front of my name on any form of correspondence. The first thing that comes to mind is that the sender either doesn’t know me or didn’t take the time to find out who I am. Then I debate whether I want to read anything, let alone do business, with a company like that.

Usually I excuse the first instance of this oversight. However, when it happens over and over in a short span of time, it becomes quite irritating. This very scenario played out recently. I was searching for a venue in a different city for an event I was working on. I sent out an RFP, or an information inquiry, to several venues. Of the responses I received, over half were addressed to “Mr. Tzan Alexander” or “Mr. Alexander”. I kind of ignored the first couple. By the third one I was starting to get a bit annoyed. By the seventh one I was in disbelief. By the tenth one, I just stopped reading the ones addressed in this manner.

Speaking not only as a person with an unusual name, but also as one that has sent out 100s of thousands of written business communications over the past 15 years, I have a few suggestions to help everyone avoid unpleasantness.

1. When in doubt, find out. Make a quick phone call to their office. Ask the secretary or receptionist. If you have their direct number, you will know as soon as they answer the phone or their voicemail picks up. If they answer, then just tell them where you are calling from, what you are sending them, and that you just needed to verify how they prefer to be addressed and their the mailing address. If you are unable to call, then ask around to see if anyone can shed some light on the appropriate reference. This includes their title of Dr., Mr., Ms., Mrs., or whether they want their credential initials after their name like D.D.S. or PhD.

2. Focus on maintaining respect. The inability to verify gender or proper title, such as with an email inquiry or an electronic voicemail, is no excuse to default. Rather, drop the formal title of Mr. or Mrs. Then either use just their first name for a casual response, their first and last name for a bit more formal response, or the old standby of Sir/Madam for a more formal response. People are much more receptive to these options over being wrongly addressed, even with the best of intentions.

3. Check your spelling. The second worse thing for someone with an unusually spelled name is to see their name misspelled. Make sure you double check that you spelled their name correctly. If it is written somewhere, especially if they have personally written it down or typed it out, spell it exactly as it appears, regardless of whether it makes sense to you. This includes those with common names that are spelled in unusual ways, such as a female who spells her name Bobbi but receives mail addressed as Bobbie or Bobby; or a male named Mycah who receives mail addressed to Micah, Mica or Micha. I have gotten mail addressed as Tzon, Tazan, and Tazon, even after spelling it out. Not good!

Addressing a person correctly is more important than most people realize. There are several business people I know who base their initial decision to support a business or organization on how the envelope is addressed. Therefore, whether seeking a donation for your local PTO fundraiser or trying to expand your client base, how you address the envelope (or email, as the case may be), could mean the difference between receiving support and participation, and complete uninvolvement.

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(Original photo by Juan Tello, used under Creative Commons license.)